Monday, February 28, 2011

Cloud 10's Special Report: Charlie Sheen

Tryna make me go to rehab I say... NO NO NOOOOO

Can we all agree to give an uncomfortable, old church lady glare when you were caught sneaking more food from the Refreshments section to Carlos Irwin Estevez aka Charlie Sheen.  Charlie, sir, YOU LIE (c) Joe Wilson, you haven't been clean since Della Reese was a size 2!  The fact that drugs are currently hoola hooping with your red blood cells yo!! Its time for a hard hand to intervene! You're erratic, angry at the wrong people, suffering from grandiose thoughts.

Carlos, you pretty much just lost your job on a successful sitcom 'Two and Half Men' since they shut down production.  You're dating a porn star (Capri Anderson I've reviewed some of her work and... GOOD CALL CARLOS.. ahem) and some other rundown broad who both live in your house.  Sir, you're 45 and living the great AINT SHIT FELLA dream, you call your drug Charlie Sheen?  ? Is that the same crack that Whitney so effusively denied?  Ladies and gents Charlie Sheen is floating 20,000 feet above the rest of us mortals 24/7 with no scheduled landing schedule.

When your support network/friends include Colin Farrell and Sean Penn....... O_o YOU NEED A PRAYER CIRCLE AND A HELPING HAND SIR! I know your pops Martin aka Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez (we'll discuss this whole name abandonment at a later date....) is shaking his head straight off of its axis right now!  Somewhere in the world Denise Richards is WINNING even if only slightly.. she's WINNING!  Dr. Drew is has tattooed your name on his back Charlie, that's a sign that maybe you two should sit down and chit chat.



LV

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