Cloud 10's Think Tank (SOUND OFF) Confessions from a Strip.....Club

You Mad Huh?? -drops a single dollar-

Yes ladies and gents, an upstanding soldier of King Jesus (read: God is currently working on upgrading me still and he's not done as yet) like myself on occasion (read: once in a while) will patron a tooty bar here or there just to be some moral support to my homeys (read: because I can).  Yes, yes, yes you prudes!  My girlfriend was WELL AWARE of my whereabouts so before you hit 'Send' on that FB message, she KNOWS. #Bazinga

Anyway I just have a few observations, concerns, confessions and other random things that come to me as I type this recollections of my rendezvous on Saturday night to celebrate my homey Simone's 23rd bithday.  #Anywaydoe so we arrive at the club and find some seats, this was my first time at this particular establishment (Pigale's) which if you're familiar with Ottawa, is on the Gatineau side.  Let me tell you the schematics of Pigale's its two floors of debauchery with like 3 different stages and cameras showing what you're missing on the other floor so already my head was swiveling.

So we weren't feeling the poor man/underage club section downstairs so we made a beeline for where the real girls were at.. Upstairs! (not like I was excited or pressed or anything....) Once upstairs the swivel was on 360, some real Linda Blair shit!  I couldn't help but notice the amount of women flitting and jiggling back and forth.  Most of the clubs I've been to (sparingly of course) have had 10 girls max on the floor trying to coax (read: thirstily beg) patrons to contribute to their mutual funds, car note, rent (let's keep it 1 Hunnid, you're paying their bills like it or not).

At this point I spot about 3 bad bishes that I would consider making it rain some McDonald's coupons and nickels for (if I were single of course ^_^) this last sentence is further proof of #TheMonetaryStruggle I'm currently enduring.. Anyway the fact that it was only 3 girls who were on BAD BISH STATUS, this meant all the other girls who called themselves working someone's stage and pole. -PAUSE-

READ THE REST OF THE DEBAUCHERY BY CLICKING 'Read More'

Advice:   Please, please, please if you're working at a strip club with a Dunlap (belly dunlapped over your string bikini), have 4 poon juice smeared seats all the way ------>).  I guess some guys like that extra cushion, rolls and folds but me, I'm good.  The most you need to be stripping off is a piece of weave, maybe an earring and toe ring?

Oh, Oh, yall would not believe that sight that arrested my eyes, this was something Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator and R.Kelly would be ALL OVER (for different reasons of course).  Anyway standing beside me was this little bitty ass, pre-pubescent looking little girl in some too big 13" heels, no chest whatsoever or body that I can report.  Yup, I put that on the God of Shadrack, Meshach and Billy Goat that I just wanted to ask her to have a seat in one of those attached desk/chair seats.  That disturbed me deep down in my appendix man oh wait that was just gas... -poots-

Dear Skrippas, please remember that unless you're auditioning for Julliard or America's Best Dance Crew or the Strip Club Revival of Flashdance, keep those melodramatic, emo ass songs for your bedroom.  Noooooo we don't want to see you strip lazily to Bon Jovi or Queen.  There are way too many Purveyors of the Strip like Akinyele, Uncle Luke, Too Short, E-40, Lil Kim, Ludacris who have a wide array of appropriate rump-shaking songs for you to dance to.  Please watch this to see how it should be done HERE!

This leads me to reporting the girl who clearly had a problem with comprehension and song choice when she was twerking something serious to Keri Hilson's (a beacon of exemplary, fine womanhood btw -coughs) Pretty Girl Rock.  MAM?! WAIT WHAT? Isn't that song a tribute to female strength, empowerment and positive #SelfofSteam?

Keri Hilson had to know the TRUTH about the Bastardization of her song. 

Props to the girls who look like they took a pole dancing class or watched a video about the art seduction and how to work a stage and crowd.  The rest of yall doe, please call the ladies over there at Magic City to conduct a workshop/seminar/webcast something!  The fact that you resemble a giraffe in a tree while on a pole while being built like an ATM (next time you see an ATM envision it with some weave, a string bikini and heels).

All in all a very interesting night, with interesting sights, shout out to the strippers who claim they're only stripping to pay their way through school! Mam YOU LIE (c) Joe Wilson voice, but you make more than I see in 2 weeks so PROPS TO YOU!!

LV