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| For now ignore the whole living FUGG out of this post card ass picture.. Mother Nature is here too |
SOOOOOOOOOOOO in case you've been living under a rock and missed my countdown/obnoxiously pretentious status about my pending and subsequent trip to the Bahamas - I'M HERE SNITCHES!! -insert very convincing Dougie that someone taught me HERE- Anyway so I land in the Bahamas after Mother Nature started to really drop kick Ottawa through the Cheerios of life, the snow was radikalus (ridiculous in my Swizz Beats voice) so I flipped Mother Nature the proverbial bird as I cheesed all the way down the ramp onto the plane before the snow made other plans for me.
Anyway an hour delay later, 3 hour flight seated next to some schmuck I wanted to punch just because he tried to size me up in the airport and I HATE NUKKAS sizing me up and staring just imagine my expression when I saw this nukka and his girl plop beside me?? Oh sorry back to the story and an hour in the baggage claim area I was here YEAAAAAAAAAAAH and what not.
But before I even got the baggage claim I am strolling towards the immigration area outdoors and I immediately feel a familiar chill beneath my jacket. I looked at the seedy ass old Lynden Pindling International Airport terminal to make sure I was in the Bahamas. I vaguely remember the pilot saying something about it being quasi-chilly but the fact that I had on my jacket and scarf and felt like the jacket was right..
Yes ladies and gents I was in the Bahamas and that postcard up there with the cocaine white sand, Evian clear azure blue waters, carefully wind swept palm trees.. ..Yeah Mother Nature say ninja fugg yo beach I got other plans for yo vacationing ass. Man I also knew I was home when:
1) I'm standing in line at the Bamboo Shack ordering my customary Chicken and Conch Snack Combo (no onions and mayo) and scuse me for believing that gold teeth had receded into the recesses of humanities collective conscious. This nukka rolled up YEAH MAM, -clink clink, gold bottoms- LET ME GET A THIGH SNACK PLEASE. Then out the corner of my eye a law enforcement officer decides he's gonna get his food at the Bamboo Shack because it is a fine dining establishment after all. This nukka is serious as hell with his two front teeth outfitted in gold. Bahamas... BAHAMAS!! Let's make a new law for 2011 yo.
2) This mother (in line at Bamboo Shack) who screams out at her daughter. ASTRANIQUE.. bring ya behind here girl. ASTRANIQUE I know she wrote a lot of Nique combos down to come up with A-S-T-R-A-N-I-Q-U-E..
3) The turquoise, canary yellow, Barney purple, Avatar blue, green bean green, sweet potato orange, DOO DOO brown, Pepto pink and other gangster ass colors of the rainbow that people paint their houses down here. We fancy yall. WE FANCY. Most of these colors aren't trim either these are the base colors yo. BAHAMAS BITCH. Oh btw, my aunts house has been one or more of these colors in various combination at different stages in my life.
4) My granny answers the phone and I'm sure she obliterated a few of my of those tiny hair like structures in my ear.. sigh. She was happy as hell I'm here but when she came on that phone doe...
5) You better learn how to drive again, you thought you had a license, well I see you haven't driven in Nassau, Bahamas. Drivers over here will chew you up, blow you through their horn and speed the fugg off. I have never seen so many lanes get created on a 2 lane road in my life. The side walk, the front stoop as a woman is sweeping are all FAIR GAME for Nassau drivers. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
Does this make you want to come and visit my country? Bahamians what else is it that I haven't seen from our Bahamaland as yet?
WELCOME TO THE BAHAMAS!!!
LV
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